The ABCs of Death

26 Directors, 26 ways to die.

Despite the scholarly title, majority of educators wouldn't choose to show this 2012 horror/comedy anthology film to a class of youths. Especially if said educators were aware of it's grisly and erotic content. Unfortunately Sheila Kearns, a 58 year old substitute teacher from Columbus Ohio, picked the wrong film to distract 5 classes of impressionable spanish students - The ABCs of Death. (Good idea - because you know, SOME of this movie is in spanish after all.) As of Thursday, January 16th 2015, Kearns was convicted of four felony counts of 

"disseminating matter harmful to juveniles."  

So, is the ABCs of Death really that traumatizing?

Simple answer: Yes. Yes, it is.

Inspired by educational ABC books, the film is made up of 26 short horror films, created by 26 different directors ranging from fifteen countries. Including directors such as Srdjan Spasojevic (A Serbian Film), and Noboru Iguchi (Machine Girl).  Each director was presented with a $5,000 budget, a 4 minute run time and a letter of the alphabet to theme their film after.  They were given free reign over the film's subject matter and genre - but were given the requirements of showing at least 1 death, as well as opening and closing their film with the color red.  This movie is said to be an ambitious and diverse look into the beauty of death and all it's splendor.  So in honor of Sheila Kearns and the abundance of mistakes that we all make in life... Can of Worms decided to delve into the depths that is The ABCs of Death.  Or something like that? 

After watching this movie, what I really want to know, is what in the hell was Kearns doing for five class periods to miss something like this?  Oh, her back was turned to the screen?  That would explain why she missed "L is for Libido" five times - a short film about men being skewered alive for losing a masturbation contest.  Or, "P is for Pressure" - where a woman desperate for money, finds herself the star of a crush film (stepping on and crushing animals to death).  It's not exactly the preferred subject matter for high school students.

From a horror standpoint, the idea behind this movie is brilliant.  It was interesting to see how each filmmaker interpreted the letter they were given.  The end result giving us sci-fi, experimental, mockumentary, animation, torture porn, etc.  Regrettably, as a lot of anthology films go, The ABCs of Death is lacking in the execution department.  It's relatively easy to distinguish which directors are well-experienced, and which are just starting out.  A few left me wondering where the budget even went to?  So clearly some films are better than others.  At the top of the list, is Srdjan Spasojevic with "R is for Removed" - where a man's skin is used to make 35mm film.  As well as "D is for Dogfight", by Marcel Sarmiento (director of DeadGirl).  Surprisingly, one of the least popular turns out to be Noboru Iguchi's "F is for Fart" - which has been called absurd and tasteless.  

Be it absurd and tasteless at times - I dug this movie.  It made me chuckle, shriek, cringe in pain, but most of all, made me want to keep watching.  It gives a glimpse into the minds of some of today's most current directors working in the horror genre.  Best of all - each segment is so brief, that you can easily skip over the shorts you find personally unsavory.  

So take a gander at Can of Worm's current #28 - The ABCs of Death.  You can stream this title on Netflix Instant or rent online on Amazon Video and Apple iTunes.  Last but not least - let us not forget the most important lesson learned - please resist all urges to force this movie upon large groups of minors.  Seriously.